My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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