farters have to be the big spoon...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
