oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
love makes seman taste better
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
