you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
love makes seman taste better
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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