She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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