I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
