Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
