I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
