walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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