How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
