i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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