Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
