It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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