No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
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Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
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I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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