My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
