this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
