The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
