Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
