dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
