I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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