thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
