if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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