It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
