I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
