party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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