I wanna bring you to show and tell
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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