I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
