hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
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she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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