talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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