I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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