her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
what day is it and did you see me today?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
