Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
