you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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