omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
