You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
