So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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