Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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