Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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