do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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