that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You smell like stripper and shame
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
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He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
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Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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