I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
