So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
