it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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