I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
