glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
