Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize