I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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