so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
