My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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