this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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