fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
