I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
