guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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