I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
