I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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