just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
