I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
