Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
