i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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