Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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