How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am puke
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
