Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
