Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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