i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
