you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
