I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
