Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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