He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
