What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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