we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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