I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
