I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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