There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
