Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
