And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
