i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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