mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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