You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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