no, he came in my armpit
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
