It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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