I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
