I just cut my nipple shaving
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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