He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
